The second book of Randy and Gary: commonly called Insertion
1And God spoke all these words, seriously we have the tape if you don't believe us. 2"I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt and didn't send you to San Fransisco to the House of Bondage, they gay bar."
3"You shall have no other Gods before me, but probably a few after me, like Rock God in the form of AC/DC, Jimi Hendrix: the guitar God, Trent Reznor, and Meat Loaf. But that's ok. They will kick ass. 4And you will alway invite me to go to their concerts, for I am a jealous God and if I find out you went without me, I'll be pissed."
5"And while I'm at it, stop using my name to get chicks. Especially if you're not going to share them with me. And I don't mean sloppy seconds. 6Its not hard to get two girls and pass one off to me."
7"Remember Sunday is football day in the winter, basketball in the spring, motocross in the summer, and strip clubs in the fall. Friday night is guys night out. 8I don't give a fuck if you worked all week. You're fucking coming out. Don't be a fucking puss."
9"Honor your drug dealer, your bookie, and servers at the restaurant. You fuck with them, they are going to fuck your world up."
10"Don't kill any one they call me to help you dispose of the body. You're basically asking me to help you dig a hole. 11I'm sorry but if I wanted to do manual labor I wouldn't have created Mexicans."
12"Hey, don't fuck your friends wife unless he did some thing shitty like forget your birthday or made you be the Designated Driver but still got you all fucked up and you got a DUI because of it."
13"Don't fucking lie, I swear to God if I found out you've been smoking pot in the house I'll fucking kick your fucking ass."
14"And thats another thing. If I find you are stealing shit. Especially my cocaine, I'm going to murder your nut sack."
15Now God stood with Adolf for a moment longer before saying, "I've got to take a shit." then God walked off.
16Adolf relieved that he was finally alone pissed his pants.
17As Adolf stood before the volcano it started to belch ash and the earth shook. He look down the mountain to see the Jews screaming and running in circles. 18He watched as they would run into each other and fall down.
19He then heard shouts, "Oh God, please don't kill us. We didn't mean to follow Adolf. Oh please spare us."
20Adolf smiled for all to see, "This is going to be too fucking easy. God, I can't wait to take over the world."