The first book of Randy and Gary: commonly called WHAM!
1Isaac had two sons Lyle and Erik. He treated both with the same respect as you would a dollar whore. 2Though the sons tried, they could never satisfy their father.
3One day when Isaac was masturbating he shot his own cum in his eye, blinding himself. He called to his eldest son Lyle, "Son, please come here. I have blinded myself from my own seed, now I can see why your mother hates it when I get it in her eye. I cannot see and need to eat. Please go to the store and get me some chicken wings. Prepare for me savory food, such as I love, and bring it to me that I may eat; that I may bless you by checking to see if you are clean before I go to bed."
4Adjowa over heard her husband's request of Lyle and she was pissed that he spent his load. 5She went to her youngest son Erik and said, "Your father has asked Lyle to prepare him chicken wings from the store. But your father is being an asshole and does not deserve such savory treats. Quickly, go to Apple Jack's chicken and get a 5 piece chicken wing combo. Hurry before your brother gets back."
6Erik knew of his father's wrath and did not want to upset him, so he protested. Adjowa pulled out a wooden spoon and knocked Erik over the head a few times. 7Erik, freshly persuaded went to Apple Jack's chicken.
8Upon returning Adjowa rubbed each piece of chicken on the dog's butthole then put them on a plate. She commanded Erik to go deliever the chicken to his father. So he did.
9Isaac ate of the chicken. When he was done he said, "My son Lyle, come here so I may check if you are clean."
10Erik not wanting to be touched in his no no private spot said, "It is me, your son Erik. Lyle sent me to give you food."
11Isaac didn't beleive his son because he knew that Lyle was always dirty for he checked him often. So he thought Lyle was lying so he woudn't be touched.
12Isaac said, "Don't lie to me son, come here so I may check of your dirtiness."
13Erik, though unwilling, obeyed his father. Isaac was pleased for he thought that Lyle turned back into a youngling, his juice was now bitter and his member was smaller. For he liked it that way.
14The next day Isaac went Lyle to make sure he was clean. To Isaac's disappointment Lyle was not the same as yesterday.
15Isaac questioned Lyle but soon became disappointed with him and told him that this is all his fault.
16Later that day Isaac called for a family meeting. He told his family that he was going to join the Super Adventure Club for Lyle's sweet juice was no longer bitter and this disappointed him. 17So he is leaving to taste the juice of much younger boys around the world.
18After Isaac left Lyle found out what truely happened. That it was Erik who his father tasted. 19Lyle was now pissed because he drove away their father by tempting him with younger and more bitter juice.
20Adjowa went to Erik and told him, "Behold, your brother Lyle comforts himself by planning to kill you. Now therefore, my son, obey my voice; arise, flee to the south where my brother Sean Preston dwells. Stay there till your brother's fury turns away and he forgets what you have done to him."
21So the next day Erik fled to the south. When he came upon Sean Preston's trailer shotguns were pointed at him by Sean Preston and his two daughters Cheyanne and Destiny. 22The one girl spoke, "Who are yew? I axed you a questron." 23Erik was eventually welcomed after he explained who he was, twice, for they didn't understand that he was their cousin the first time he said it.
24Sean Preston now seeing Erik as free labor in his meth lab said this, "Because you are my kinsman, should you therefore serve me for nothing? Tell me what your wages should be."
25To this Erik replied, "How about 20% of all the meth I sell?" And so it was agreed upon.
26One drunken meth filled night Sean Preston asked Erik what he wanted, to which Erik replied, "I'm fucking horny, bitch. We need to get some pussy."
27Sean Preston told Erik to go smoke some meth in the bedroom while he called some ho's. But Sean Preston didn't want to share his ho's. Instead he pulled a dirty prank on Erik. 28He got his eldest daughter Destiny really high. Then sent her in to Erik.
29In the morning when Erik woke up. He lay naked with Destiny and the room stunk of dirty forbidden white trash sex.
30Erik went to Sean Preston, "What is this you have done to me?! Did I not deal meth for you correctly and make you an ass load of money?! Why then have you deceived me?!"
31Sean Preston laughed, "We don't share ho's around here, bitch. You have to find your own!"
32Erik was red with anger, "You do realize I just fucked your daughter."
"And for that I'm bumping your commision down to 10%," Sean Preston said.
33Erik was pissed so that night when Sean Preston was passed out from the Meth, he got Cheyanne high, railed the shit out of her, and taped it. In the morning he played the video tape for Sean Preston. He was not pleased.
34As the years went on Erik fucked both Cheyanne and Destiny in secret. They started to produce kids. Eleven of them in fact.
35Then one night Erik over heard Sean Preston talking on the phone, "I'm going to kill that little fuck. Erik is a dead man. He's been knocking up my daughters."
36Early in the morning before the sun had risen Erik fled from Sean Preston's trailer back to his mother and brother in Las Vegas.
37Sean Preston pursued him and soon over took him. Then they went on Montel for Erik denied that all eleven children were his.
40The show was called "Who's my baby's daddy? My daddy or my cousin?" The show was the highest rated Montel show ever.
41Montel revealed who the dad was for each child, Misty, Crystal, Charity, Chastity, Dwayne, Dakota, Skyler, Dustin, Starlene, Tyler, and Rhett.
The Father of Misty: Sean Preston
The Father of Crystal: Sean Preston
The Father of Charity: Erik
The Father of Chastity: Sean Preston
The Father of Dwayne: Sean Preston
The Father of Dakota: Erik
The Father of Skyler: Erik
The Father of Dustin: Erik
The Father of Starlene: Sean Preston
The Father of Tyler: Erik
The Father of Rhett: Sean Preston
42The series was won 6-5 in favor of Sean Preston.
43When Erik returned to Las Vegas Lyle came to meet him and all was forgiven. Erik then learned that his mom remarried some asshole named Menendez who didn't abuse Lyle like he liked.
44So the brothers set out to kill his parents. One evening they murdered their mom and her husband in the den of the family's Beverly Hills home. 45The brothers then dumped their guns on the steps of the police station and bought tickets at a local XXX movie theater to use as an alibi. It was a shitty plan. And they got caught.