The first book of Randy and Gary: commonly called WHAM!
1Lyle had several son's the youngest of which was named Dave. 2When Dave turned seventeen years old he became rebellious and started to play guitar. He soon became wicked awesome at guitar, and although his dad, Lyle hated the noise that Dave played he was very proud of him for he was the best in the land. 3This angered Lyle's other sons, Cliff, James, and Lars for they had a band, Lametallica but not one could play guitar like Dave. 4They hated him and could not speak peaceably to him.
5Now Dave had a dream, he dreamt that he would become the greatest metal head of all time. When he told his brothers this they hated him even more.
6Dave said, "Hear this dream which I have dreamed. I will become the greatest metal head. I will thrash harder and play faster then any one. I will be known as the "Rock God". And all will know my name and be impressed."
7His brothers said to him, "Are you indeed to reign over us with you so called superior guitar skills? Our band will be better and we will prove you so totally wrong."
8His brothers now hated Dave even more and quickly became sick of hearing about how great Dave thought he would be.
9One day Dave's brothers went off to college. When Little Siblings Weekend came around Dave's brothers knew Dave would come visit them so they planned to get him so drunk that he would be arrested and his guitar dreams would be ruined. 10But Cliff realized that their father would blame them if Dave got arrested and would stop paying for their college.
11Cliff begged his brothers not to get Dave drunk. So they set out to sell Dave on aBay, instead. 12The auction was won for twenty dollars plus shipping. When Dave arrived Cliff, James, and Lars drugged Dave, then put him in a box. 13They overnighted him to the winner of the auction. They then took Dave's car to a chop shop.
14Later that night they called their father to ask where Dave was for he had not arrived. A missing person report was file. Weeks later the only evidence found were a few guitar picks.
15When Dave awoke he was in a small room with a guitar and young pupil who also had a guitar. 16And it was so, Dave spent day after day teaching young pupils how to play guitar. 17But Dave grew tired of this, for the pupils were stupid and wanted him to teach them stupid songs like Smoke on the Water.
18So Dave quit. Then changed his name to Dave Mustaine. He soon got a job at Guitar Center for they appreciated him more. 19He quickly became assistant manager under Perry Farrell and Les Claypool.
20Dave who was an awesome guitarist taught Les to play bass using a guitar and taught Perry to sing using his guitar. 21Unfortunately guitar solo's do not translate well to voice and Perry voice became all high pitched and whiney.
22Not soon after Les and Perry quit Guitar Center. But before leaving Dave asked them to remember him and if they come across any thing that might interest him, to call him. But both Les and Perry forgot about Dave.
23Years later when Les and Perry were at FuzzFest there was a band with no guitarist or singer. 24They were set to go on in an hour. The band called together all musicians at FuzzFest to see if any one would play guitar and sing for them, but none would.
25Then Les remembered Dave. He went to the band and told them about Dave. 26They called him on the telephone. They had a wicked awesome conversation. Dave went to Fuzzfest and played with the band. 27They named themselves MegaManDeth. And they were awesome!
28Although Cliff, James, and Lars forgot what their brother Dave looked like, they did not forget their brother's dream. They set out to be the greatest band ever. 29And soon it was so, in their eyes, Lametallica became the greatest band known to man.
30Then one day Dave put together a rock off. Bands from far and wide came to battle. The battle raged on for a very very long time. 31Dave watched as his brothers' band rose through the ranks. 32It pained Dave to see his brothers, and for him to not know them as he once did. 33Often backstage Dave would hang out with his brothers but only for a short time. Because his emotions would over come him and he would run to the bathroom and cry.
34So finally it came down to two bands, MegaManDeth and Lametallica. 35The final rock off was set to begin but before either band played Dave went to Lametallica and said, "Poppy Cockers, for I have some thing to confess. I, Dave am your long lost brother. That you sold on aBay. I am no longer mad and forgive you for we all have become great rock gods!"
35But his brother did not feel the same towards their brother Dave. They still hated him for he was a far better guitar player. 36So they set out to sabotage Dave's set.
Lametallica ruined the rock off and no winner was declared.
37Lametallica then went on to recorded a new song called "I vanish". They were set to release the song on a soundtrack. 38But for some reason some one at the studio leaked the song to the public via NeRapester, a file raping service. 39Instead of blaming the studio, like they should have, they blamed NeRapester. 40They complained that NeRapester made them lose money because their fans would now be able to hear how crappy their new song was for free instead of mindlessly buying their music, which would make them even more rich. 41So they sued NeRapester which was a butthole thing for them to do.
42They went on to do other butthole things like release several crappy albums and charge an arm and two legs to see them in concert.
43And so it was known, Lametallica ruined file sharing.