The second book of Randy and Gary: commonly called Insertion
1The Lord said to Adolf, "Constipation to me all the first born; whatever is the first to open the womb among the people of Israel, both of man and of beast, is mine."
2And Adolf replied, "Man... yourrrsh sooow drunk. What are you talking about.." Then Adolf barfed all over the Lord's daily bread. Which in turn caused the Lord to throw up.
3The next day when both the Lord and Adolf were sober, the Lord asked Adolf what happened yesterday at the Air Show.
4"Um, Lord, you killed all the first born son's. You got all drunk when the Blue Angels were grounded by technical difficulties and fart from all the BBQ you had been eating. 5For some reason, it only killed the first born son's even though thousands of other people smelled the fart too. Strange."
6The Lord looked profoundly at Adolf. After a few minutes the Lord lifted his head and threw up all over the place. "I'm sorry. I still feel sick from yesterday. How beer did I drink yesterday?"
7Adolf just glared at the Lord with hate filled eyes.
8The Lord stood up and said, "I decree the following, And you shall observe this day, throughout your
generations, as an ordinance for ever. In the first month on the 10th
day all shall prepare for the mega awesome Air Show by buying one case
of Canadian beer. But for only seven days of this memorial celebration
every one shall
drink of Canadian beer. On the first 12day, all shall put away American
piss beer. For if any one drinks of American piss beer of those seven
days. All will know that they suck and have no taste for real beer.
Therefore they will be shamed from the next Air Show."
13Adolf threw a book at the Lord. "Shut the fuck up asshole."
14Then the Lord turned into Beastman. "Now go from this boxcar and tell all the people for you and your Jewish friends are free from Pablo Escobar!"
15So Adolf went from box car to box car telling his Jewish friends that the Lord said, "And when the Lord, asshole in the sky, brings you into the land of Todeslager, as he swore he would. You will redeem him on this day for all years to come. Blah blah blah."
16And so God went before the Jewish people by day as a railroad track to lead them, and by night he was still a railroad track. 17So by day and night he lead them by railroad track.
18Then on the third day the train broke down just short of the Red Sea. Word was sent back to Pablo Escobar. 19When he received this word he said, "Whoa, what have I done letting these Jewhores go? My account hasn't been done for days? How much have I made?"
20So Pablo Escobar set out to bring the Jewies back. He gathered all the horses and all the kings men but they couldn't put humpty dumpty back together again. 21So they did a lot of coke. And I mean a lot. Seriously. Then they went after Adolf and his Jewy friends.
22And in the distance the Jewish people packed inside their box cars became frightened, as they should be when seeing thousands of coked out armed men running towards them.
23The Lord went to Adolf and said, "Behold, I found my keys."
24Adolf stood in front of the train. looking out upon the Red Sea. "I wish we could just depart from this place." 25Then Adolf held up he shillelagh and whacked the mechanic once more for not having the train back up and running.
26Adolf looked back once again to see that Pablo Escobar was close. Then he hear the Lord speak to him, "Hey asshole, get the fuck off the tracks the train is running and Escobar is almost here." 27Adolf looked up to see it wasn't the Lord but Steve the conductor. So Adolf did what any good Christian would do and jumped on the train.
28Adolf and his train of Jews made it across the Red Sea bridge just as Pablo Escobar and his men on coke made it to the bridge. 29Adolf ran to the back of the train on the top of the box cars because the box cars were too packed with Jews to walk through. 30When Adolf got to the back of the train he shook his shillelagh at Pablo Escobar.
31Then because the govenor vetoed the 500 million dollar bill to help rebuild bridges throughout the state, the bridge collapsed killed every one.
32Thus the Lord came down and claimed that he made the bridge collapse, saving all the Jews on the train heading for Todeslager. And... they believed him.